Argentum: Book One

A is for ArgentumWelcome to Book One of The Violet War urban fantasy series. The review period for the first half of the book has now ended. If you are interested in critiquing the first draft of Argentum, please use the contact form to write to me in order to obtain the password.

Book One of the Violet War is titled, Argentum. This title does carry some significance and weight to the overall theme of the Violet War series, which will be explored more in the book. In Latin, the word “argentum” means silver, which was a metal used by the Alchemists. What does it mean here? Since the series is based on Alchemy, there are themes in the book that relate back to the true meaning of Argentum. Feminine. Lunar. Forbidden.

Both the chapters and the pieces of Serafina’s memory that are offered here were a first draft of Argentum. Although I’ve mapped the book out from beginning to end, the words that were written are in the rough, intended to provide readers with a close look at how a story develops. If you’re interested in an inside look at Argentum, feel free to contact me for the password. Based on some tough decisions I have to make, I only have a few slots open so be sure to ask for one if you’re serious about this story.

Are you ready for a war?

3 Responses to “Argentum: Book One”

  1. RicksterM Says:
    April 3rd, 2008 at 4:49 pm

    Wowezow!

  2. Greg Says:
    July 4th, 2008 at 2:20 pm

    Hi, I just finished reading up through chapter 3. Since you’re looking for feedback, I’ll start with what I like and follow with what I’m having problems with.
    I think the pacing of the story, and the near-total lack of information about who the main character is at first gives the reader an understanding of the protagonist’s mindset. The writing itself is clear, and I wanted to keep reading to figure out what the heck was going on. I think the magic system could be interesting, though I don’t understand it really, and want to learn more about it. Sophie’s situation is interesting and her past looks like it has potential.

    The big issue for me is that I’m not sure how much longer I can follow the story if it continues at this pace without providing a little more information about what’s going on. I feel like there are too many unknowns by the end of chapter 3. Here’s a short list of the questions I have:

    Why are the police in on this? What’s the deal with her grandmother and her nanny? What was the thing that her nanny gave her that her nanny said she regretted putting in Sophie’s arms? Why did the nanny regret it? Why does Sophie have two names? Why does she remember some things and not others? Who is William and what was his role? What was the locket that the cop gave her before she went in to see the “chief?” What is Thunk and why is it important? How did she end up in the Midwest? Why was she at a railyard of all places? Who was her mother? What happened to her? Why was her father cursed? What’s the deal with just about everybody she’s interacting with being in on what’s going on but absolutely refusing to tell her anything? Why did her grandmother disintegrate almost immediately? What was the smoke and the red light?

    The questions are piling up fast and furious and if they keep accruing at this rate, I’ll be totally lost within about a chapter.

    Next, I had some issues with Sophie and her interactions with the characters in the story. There are all these characters that we have little more than snapshots of, and their interactions with Sophie are so limited that I can’t get a handle on why any of them matter to the story, or what’s really happening. I don’t have a good sense as to how they all feel about Sophie. Since they’re all apparently in on what’s happening, though they don’t want to tell her, I would think that they would have somewhat similar reactions to her (like fear or anger) but they don’t. William seemed afraid, then he seemed kinda smug, her grandmother seemed like a threat in Sophie’s past but really concerned for her in the here and now. The cop seemed angry but also worried about Sophie talking to her grandmother, and seemed angry when her grandmother disappeared into a pile of ash, as if Sophie had done something, but the cop brought her there in the first place. Her nanny didn’t like her because she was “spoiled” but I didn’t get a sense as to why that was the case. Sophie didn’t seem particularly bratty, just upset about her father.

    Lastly, Sophie doesn’t seem all that curious about what’s going on in the present day. I don’t get a sense of her looking for answers when William has her captive, for example. He tells he’s her boyfriend but won’t go near her. I’d think that the first time she tried to hug him or something, and he reacted badly to it, she’s stop believing that he’s really her boyfriend right away and start questioning him. I would have preferred to see more dialogue between her and William after she moves in to establish some kind of dynamic to their relationship to explain why she believes him even though he does nothing that a boyfriend would actually do from the get-go. I’m not sure if dialogue can explain that problem away, but I’d like to see more than is currently there.

    The first-person narrator version of Sophie seems to know what the deal is, and is telling the story sometime in the future, but doesn’t give the reader any details as to why she wasn’t curious about her situation and loss of memory.

    I think the story has a lot of potential. I like the world you’re building, and I think the mysteries you’re introducing are interesting as well, but the sheer number of them are making the story tough to follow and stick with. Of course this was just my reaction. Anyway, I hope my feedback was somewhat helpful.

  3. New Violet War | Monica Valentinelli | Flames Rising Horror & Dark Fantasy Webzine Says:
    November 9th, 2008 at 5:50 pm

    [...] One is titled, Argentum. This title does carry some significance and weight to the overall theme of The Violet War series, [...]

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