I feel like I turned a corner this past weekend, because the last two weeks have been…painful. I knew I needed to change the verb tense of my exposition from present to past, but I wasn’t sure how that was going to work for the beginning of the story.

Instead of opening the novel with “Sophie” in the hospital, I had initially decided to flip quite a few years into the future–to a trial held in a place called Aztalan. King Mitra’s successor, an ancient god of the seasons named Horem, was the first character you’d meet. From his perspective, you would have been immersed in the world of magic that I’ve been developing right from the start.

Here’s the first couple of paragraphs from King Horem’s point-of-view:

Trials in the Realm were not normally held out in the open, where a mortal might stumble across a lion-headed Justicar or a fae Sergeant-at-Law. Of course, a public trial was dangerous, but not unprecedented.

King Horem felt he had no choice in the matter, for this particular trial would determine the course of the Violet War, a war that had proven to be very deadly. There was no other place in the entire Realm that would serve as neutral territory, but the Trial still had to be held somewhere magical. Above ground, there were very few places left that were both defendable and accessible. Horem also knew that no matter where the trial was held, there was always the remote possibility that they might be attacked. He hoped that by holding the trial here — in Aztalan — that someone might think twice before exposing the Realm to mankind. Fortunately, there was only one thing that all sides of the War seemed to agree on: magic must be kept a secret at all costs.

Well, I decided not to go with that approach because it was “too” much. The world of the Violet War isn’t just on one planet, it’s a very, large universe. By offering Horem’s point-of-view up front, I revealed so much about that universe that getting back to Sophie’s perspective felt like one, giant let down. Part of the fun I’ve had reading books, is being connected to that discovery process where you not only wonder what’s going to happen next – but you’re curious about the world the characters are in.

So I’ve taken a step back and started revising the first chapter from Sophie’s perspective. Things really seemed to fit a lot better when I did that. I’d like to share those revisions with you here.

Immediately after I had woken up from a coma in the hospital, the pungent stench of antiseptic overpowered my senses. For a split second, I wasn’t able to figure out why that medicinal smell was so strong, until I looked down and noticed my broken body. As soon as I saw that I was covered in bandages that oozed yellow, red and green; my heart started to pound through my chest. What happened to me? Unfortunately, I couldn’t remember who I was or how I had gotten hurt so badly. Alone and feeling more than a bit lost, I placed a lot of trust into the nurses and doctors who attended me because I believed they would help me.

That was my first mistake.

As always, thanks for supporting my efforts as I wade through revisions. I feel like things are flowing so much better now, because I finally hit that right “tone” for Sophie’s voice.