“Writer’s Block”, Instrumental Music, and a Keyboard

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Technically, I’m off of my second or third social media hiatus, but now that I’m back I’ll be online less than I was before and blogging more frequently. The negativity has really gotten to me, this time around, and in the past few weeks I have had a complete 180 in mood and all things. As an artist, I need silence, that freedom to not say but to listen, and the ability to create without an audience watching or I seeing them. I suppose this comes from my many years of being a performer, but you know? When I used to practice for hours on end, I didn’t need/want an audience, and I don’t need one now. All I need, is the room to practice, and thanks to a wondering, loving, and supportive group of friends and loved ones, I have that. Now, it’s up to me to make them proud.

Many things, with respect to my productivity, go back to the fact that I was a performer for a long period of time, primarily my formative years and in college with a few events that happened beyond that, including a rock opera. I’ve had jobs in the music industry, and I’ve also acquired a keyboard a while back, but I haven’t played regularly for a long, long time. For me, the piano is connected to a great deal of trauma, and I’ve been avoiding it and anything related to any kind of songwriting for a while–until I can’t anymore. I’m working on a song at the moment that’s connected to an… Well, let’s just say it’s a “big” story, and this tune won’t let me go.

Over the past few weeks I’ve been picking away at my office, to see what it is I actually have sitting around in boxes(1), and sorting some things for later.(2) This was done with the intent of possibly moving my office, but now I see I have a very clear space to set up my keyboard, and that will allow me to do something I haven’t done in a long, long time: practice. It is scary, for me, and I don’t think it’s something that can ever be explained to anyone else–nor do I want to. Not anymore. I’m not getting back into music because of my past, but because of my future. I don’t know if I’ll still be able to play blindfolded or with my hands behind my back–time will tell how long I can even play. But, this is the last piece in a series of dominoes for an artist’s recovery program I’m taking, and this is everything to me, because this is where my heart can be found(3).

Music is also the first thing I turned to after my initial two weeks of social media deprivation, to help rebuild the foundation and get things flowing again. This, I feel, is pretty important given that I don’t believe in writer’s block. I do think it’s as Kathy Steffen described: writer’s avoidance behavior. The block is an illusion, it’s a piece that we think is there because we’re specifically avoiding something, we’re shielding ourselves by saying there’s a physical object standing in our way preventing us from getting to whatever it is we need to. And yet, there are ways to power through it beyond motivation: deadlines, journaling, switching to another project, positive affirmations, visualizations, mini-art therapy, etc.

More than all of this, however, is the fact that music, either listening or performing, has always increased productivity for me on a number of levels. More, if the music doesn’t have any words associated with the song, as well. To me, music and animation are similar, in that there’s the creative aspect, but also the mathematical and logistical components required to breathe life into each piece. I may have mentioned this one before, but words are music to me, and certain words carry minor tones (e.g. if they have a negative connotation), and others major (e.g. positive). So, listening to classical or dub step or ambient or even drums fills my head, gives me something to focus on, and sometimes allows me to “see” the music that is happening. This last piece, setting up the keyboard and playing, is reconnecting a mechanism that has been missing for far too long, for a good, damn reason.

Like I said. Scary. But nothing good ever comes from giving into fear.

(1) Yes, my office could have been one of the parents’ from Coraline.
(2) Later, but not indefinitely. I hate filing more than splatterpunk, but it does feel like clearing out the cobwebs, to be sure.
(3) My cousin explained that the translation of a surname in our family tree means “music.” Appropriate!

    Mood: My cats are pretending to be Dickens-esque characters, ergo…
    Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: I ADMIT NOTHING.
    Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: Considering I walked for six hours on Friday, my butt fell to the chair. Hard.
    In My Ears: Clubbed to Death (Kurayamino Variation)
    Game Last Played: Tetris. Because Tetris.
    Book Last Read: I’m reading a book by Ursula Le Guin, but sadly I cannot remember the name of it since I just started.
    Movie/TV Show Last Viewed: Harry Potter series
    Latest Artistic Project: Gothic corsages. There shall be pics, later.
    Latest Fiction/Comic Release: Gods, Memes, and Monsters
    Latest Game Release: Dread Names, Red List for Vampire: the Masquerade and Ghosts in the Black for the Firefly RPG.
    Current State of Projects: Read my latest project update and My Departure from the Conan RPG.


Day 4: The 11 (but really) 15 Albums and I’m tagging Vin Diesel Meme

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I was tagged by RPG publisher Sean Patrick Fannon in the 11 albums-that-touched-my-life meme. So hence? Today’s 365 Days of Squee post is about 11 Albums That Make Me Squee. Music has always been a big part of my life, but I haven’t always had the opportunity to keep up with what’s popular or dive into what’s popular. Exploring music, in general, requires me to take time out for this task–and I haven’t always done that. Why? Well, music can be very comforting to me because my world is based on sound. Words are containers of meaning surrounded by a tone or a chord. I hear music everywhere.

There are certain, specific songs by Journey, Muse, Blues Traveler, Christina Aguilera, Metallica, Fiona Apple, hell even Sepultura, BauHaus, The Cure, or John Lee Hooker to cry to, to be comforted by, to let loose in anger. There are others, like The Lord of the Rings, Lucy, Battlestar Galactica, and Tron soundtracks that set a baseline for my mood while I’m writing. Other soundtracks, like the innovative compositions found in video games like Final Fantasy XIII or The Legend of Zelda, simply brighten my day.

But on an album-wide level? These are the albums, in no particular order, that make me squee because I want to sing along (inserting the word “watermelon” if I forget the lyrics) or get up and dance. I am PURPOSEFULLY excluding anything from Queen and Muse, because they’d dominate the list. Heh.

Here’s a list of 11 albums. ONLY 11?!?!?! F-Bomb it. I’m taking this list to 15.

1.) “Mambo Birdland” by Tito Puente
2.) “AM” by Arctic Monkeys
3.) “Greatest” by Duran Duran
4.) “Aftermath” by Cruciform Injection
5.) “The Downward Spiral” by Nine Inch Nails
6.) “American Made Music to Strip By” by Rob Zombie
7.) “19” by Adele
8.) “I Am…Sasha Fierce” by Beyonce
9.) “Flood” by They Might Be Giants
10.)”Optics” by I: Scintilla
11.)”The Fame Monster” by Lady Gaga
12.) “The Wiz” Soundtrack by Various
13.) “Once More With Feeling” Soundtrack from Buffy the Vampire Slayer
14.) “The Seldom Seen Kid” by Elbow
15.) “The Essential Michael Jackson” by Michael Jackson

Mmmm…k? Now tagging Sean E. Williams, Emily Care Boss, and Groot. Er, not Groot. Riddick. I mean Vin Diesel!

(Hey, nobody said who I couldn’t tag…)

P.S. Hell yes, I really want to write a Riddick novel.
P.P.S. Yep, shameless. But if I don’t throw that out there? I’d be sitting on my squee-ness for Vin Diesel. Heh. And Vin Diesel deserves all the squees!

4/365

    Mood: Bwah?
    Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: I could drink a two-liter of Coke Zero right now I kid you not!
    Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: I didn’t. Sad face.
    In My Ears: Beeps and boops from Skype messages
    Game Last Played: Age of Reckoning: Kingdoms of Amalur
    Book Last Read: The Crimson Affair by Lilith Saintcrow
    Movie Last Viewed: Snow White and the Huntsman (Extended Version)
    Latest Artistic Project: Um…
    Latest Fiction/Comic Release: Last Man Zombie Standing. See also: need to write more flipping comics and exercise my art skillz again. Feh.
    Latest Game Release: Hunter the Vigil: Mortal Remains
    What I’m Working On: Primarily tie-in games work, original comics, and novels.


Lovely Strings

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We finished watching Game of Thrones: Season 3 on Blu-Ray this weekend. I really love the opening soundtrack by Ramin Djawadi, so I kicked up Pandora and made a new station adding the string version of The Beatles’ Eleanor Rigby. You can listen to a free version of this on the Dallas String Quartet‘s website. It’s hard to separate out the soundtrack from the strings, which is why I started with The Beatles, but this station has turned up some new performers like 2Cellos and The Section Quartet. I teeter toward percussives and I love what instrumentals can do to explore the full range of an instrument’s capability. It’s especially helpful to listen to these songs while writing — no words. Well, that and let’s be honest. This is loads better than muzak. Loads.

For example, here’s a great example of percussive guitar. You can listen to two guitarists on TED talks, Usman Riaz and Preston Reed. Riaz is a self-taught guitarist who picked up his skills from YouTube! Just astounding amounts of creativity.

I have to say, though, I am curious what my frog hears. Ever since we moved him to a new (and much larger) tank in my office, he’s been very opinionated about the music I play. Sometimes, he even sings along.

    Mood: Zen. For a Monday and a week filled with ridiculously cold weather, this is a good thing.
    Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: Only two. (Yep, I counted.)
    Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: Still recovering.
    In My Ears: True Faith by The String Quartet
    Game Last Played: Sonic All Star Racing Transformed
    Book Last Read: Lovecraft’s Monsters anthology
    Movie Last Viewed: Game of Thrones Season Three. I have strong feelings about the Lannisters.
    Latest Artistic Project: *Still* *still* *still* need to take pictures… It’s on the list!
    Latest Fiction/Comic Release: Last Man Zombie Standing
    Latest Game Release: Freedom Flyer
    What I’m Working On: Primarily tie-in games work and novels.


Gushing Over Muse

I’m listening to Muse’s new album The 2nd Law, and I am thoroughly satisfied. This is a collection of songs where I hear the influence of bands/artists like Queen, Noisia, and Michael Jackson — and each tune is different in its own right.

I’m wildly appreciative of any artist who takes risks, which is part of the reason why I really dig Muse and would kill sacrifice my left arm give up caffeine love to see them live. (Incidentally, here’s a Muse 2013 tour schedule.)

Linked below is the music video for a song titled The 2nd Law: Unsustainable. Honestly, though, there is a wide array of music styles in this collection that go beyond the boundaries of rock opera, so if you’re mildly curious I’d check out each song as its own single.

My introduction to Muse was by way of the song Sing for Absolution. This is a very important song in my fiction for reasons which may (or may not) be disclosed at some point. :-p

Also? YAY, SCIENCE!

    Mood: Hazy with a chance of sunbeam positivity.
    Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: *tap, tap* Is this thing on?
    Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: Not enough.
    In My Ears: Panic Station by Muse
    Game Last Played: Dragon Age: Origins
    Movie Last Viewed: Spiderman the new one.
    Latest Artistic Project: In progress!
    Latest Release: “The Dig” The Lovecraft eZine Issue No. 19

[Music Playlist] Friday Angst? Listen Here.

For today’s post, I thought I’d share with you some of the music I’ve been listening to. I used to listen to industrial music a lot more than I do now, but the majority of my music is mood-related and specifically geared for writing like a crazy woman. (Note: my collection is sorely lacking in a particular area. Namely, UK bands. Oh, iTunes!!)

To share my love (or pain?), I put together a playlist of twelve songs for you from my collection. There’s over three hundred songs in my playlist here at Monica Central — most of which come from a few really awesome soundtracks. I mean, who wouldn’t want to wake up to Mortal Kombat?

If you can’t listen to the player, here’s the direct link: Monica’s Angst Playlist from Playlist.com


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